Girls. Cute creatures, aint they?

Once upon a time, when we were young, when we started wielding razor blades for the first time, back at our engineering college, we used to lament the fact that there are not enough girls in our college.(Not that I could have done anything in any situation) There was a serious lack of quality and quantity. The joke that used to go around was that 99% of the girls in India are pretty and the rest ended up in our college. Some idiot got a brainwave and made shit loads of money when he made a tee shirt out of it.

Fast forward a few years, I found myself in the big bad city of Bombay. As any engineer worth his drafter and letters to penthouse would do, I was preparing for CAT. One of the coaching institutes organized a one day session for this and invited all the students preparing for the exam. The day being a Sunday and not much for me to do in the hot and happening kopar khairane bachelors pad that I inhabit, I decided to go and spend some time in the real Bombay. The session was nothing great and didn’t offer me any hope that I would be making truckloads of dollars two years down the line and I will be riding with four dumb blondes in my imported convertible. But the motivation for me to enter IIMs came from a totally different, if not unexpected direction. Yes, you guessed it. From those cute creatures called Girls. There were so many of them and so pretty and hot and all those adjectives. This session happened at a management school in Bombay and I had a chance to see the college students that day. God, it was like a fashion parade! I naively assumed, in spite of my past experiences, that at least some of them would be smart enough to make it all the way to the end.

The smart guy I am, I was able to fool two old guys (one of them had a bladder problem and didn’t ask too many questions and went out to pee as soon as I started talking about power factors) to let me into the hallowed portals (Ahem!) of management education. I entered the college with my eyes wide open, as wide as I could without letting the sun roast my already damaged retina (watching too much of the blue color has negative effects on the optical apparatus, apparently). The campus reminded me of my engineering college in more ways than one. It was huge, green and very much like my old college. The other common feature was the girls. I have a knack of getting into these places where the female species is grossly underrepresented (Proof: my office, yet again). Disappointment haunted all my life.

Things weren’t that bad for our seniors. In fact, in fact they were ecstatic. It was like a blind man was able to see Chasey Lain and Tera Patrick in the same frame. It was like a catholic priest who became the head of Doon school (Hi Kalluri!!) The female population had shot up by 300% at our campus. You can imagine what would have happened to those testosterone driven, sex starved horny bulls. No stone unturned, no chance went wasted. They were in a full flow giving gyaan on how to handle the stress, how to manage manac and how a shoulder to lean on can be quite comforting in these troubled times. Things reached their zenith/depths when the committee selection began. At our college there are these useless committees to do those useless things which somehow everyone finds useful and hence want to be part of a committee. CV point, you see. This was a golden chance for the guys to get a “good” girl into their fold and work from there towards the ultimate goal. From here it gets deplorable or outright funny, it depends on your perspective. A Kiran would want a Neha in his committee, come what may. But Neha is wanted by five other Kirans. So they strike a deal. “I will give you Heena, do the CorVal and Crest projects for you and let you copy in the mid terms. Pleeeeaseee give me Neha maga. I think I am in love with her and this is my only chance. Pleeeeaseee!” All these issues got settled over a matter of time and everyone started leading their lives the same old way. A peg of whisky, some healthy ogling, and good old “Wow! The best brunette ever” played in a loop.

Cut the present, I am in a similar state. My manager thanked me profusely for being single handedly responsible for bringing down the average age from 41 to 40.95. His KRA on diversity was achieved, thanks to me. I usually have lunch alone in the cafeteria downstairs. I took a sweeping look around the floor and all I could see was either white hair or bald heads or a combination of the two! Not a lady to look at and appreciate ;) I told you before; I got that knack of ending up at these places.

So given these circumstances, past present and the future, I think it is high time I called up my mom and ask her to fulfill her duty towards me and find herself a daughter-in-law.

Unless you, yes you my lady, have some better plans.