Everything about Nothing

MeNaSe

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 10:07:00 +0000

It's pretty unfortunate that Jet had to fire some of its employees. Well, these are unfortunate times and tough measures need to be taken. When the going is good, no one complains. But when things get tough and rough, no one is ready to accept the truth. It was pretty sad to see all the sacked employees run to Raj T of MNS. Maybe, they felt they had no other option. But they were playing into the politician hands. This guy is trying to create unions and slowly increase his power and control over key sections of the society and economy. Dont give it to him on a platter! He is a true menace to our society and our nation.
Next day Naresh Goyal comes out and retracts the retrenchment order. We wont know what really happened but it looks like Naresh Goyal had to give into MNS's political pressure. Raj Thackeray wins!
In spite of all this shit, India still manages to show amazing growth. None of these politicians did anything to help the masses compared to what our business leaders did to increase the wealth of India and its citizens. In spite of our political leaders!

Question...

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 06:43:00 +0000

Christian religion has Satan, Lucifer, Prince of Darkness etc etc as the embodiment of evil and the prime adversary of God.

Is there are a similar character in the Indian religion / myth ?

Would love to know the answer. If there are any informed people reading this, please drop a comment. Thanks.

Gyaan For The Weekend

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 11:16:00 +0000

"Excuses are like assholes, Taylor. Everybody's got one ! " Sgt. O'Neill

Courtesy Akshay

B-Schools protest RBI’s new policy

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 06:41:00 +0000

From our special correspondent, Mumbai

Premier business schools throughout India have taken strong exception to the Reserve Bank of

India

policy to allow the Indian rupee to appreciate to control inflation. This move by RBI will adversely affect the image of the premier business schools in India and the glorified employment exchange institutes might not retain their attractiveness for long in this current economic climate.

“With the placement season just around the corner and many top notch schools expecting huge dollar salaries, this news comes as a major disappointment” says Akshay, a member of the placement committee of a premier management institute. After the placement season is over, the b-schools cite ridiculously high salaries by converting a dollar salary into its rupee equivalent using the prevailing exchange rate. Purchasing power parity, a very important concept taught in their economic courses, is forgotten very conveniently. With an appreciating rupee, these high salaries will come down and panic has set in the campuses that this year’s salary will not exceed the last year’s highest salary. On the condition of anonymity, a student from the premier management institute in western India told us,” This current economic situation is compelling us to use our imagination and stretch our creativity to the maximum. One possible solution is to use a three way exchange. Convert the dollar to the Yuan and the Yuan to the rupee. Since China has the wherewithal to withstand the pressure from the US to appreciate its currency and the liquidity of Rupee-Yuan being low, we can boost our rupee salaries and beat last year’s numbers. This is what we do sitting in London for USD 100,000 per annum. I didn’t expect that we have to use our skills during our college days itself!”

A few days after the announcement, RBI stepped in to stop the rupee appreciating too much and bought dollars to keep the rupee above the 44 mark. This is a very strange coincidence and makes one wonder the power of the alumni of these highly regarded institutes.

Have these institutes lost touch with the common man and are only worried about their salaries and not the price of an onion? Are these students on whom the Indian government spends so much not bothered about India but are only looking to exploit the Indian growth story? This doesn’t augur well for a Poised India and one fervently hopes that this is not true.

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 09:23:00 +0000

What a "tree"t!

Immense joy blossoms.

Link via www.desipundit.com

Purpose of Life.

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 12:25:00 +0000

Discover your purpose of life in about twenty minutes.
It's a must read :)
Go Disover.

HaHa.

The week that was...

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 08:02:00 +0000

Bloody Hell.

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 10:17:00 +0000

We must believe in free will. We have no choice.
-- Isaac B. Singer

Wow!

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Thu, 18 Jan 2007 08:29:00 +0000

The iPhone manages to impress the hell out of you. And that's an understatement. Check the video below. Watch out when the guy zooms into a pic. Phenomenal!! I think I will start hoarding some cash and pick up this baby when it hits the Indian market. So thrilled that my plans of buying a new phone never worked out. Yaapple, here I come. Or rather, I shall wait for you!

Just what the Doc ordered!

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Thu, 18 Jan 2007 04:51:00 +0000

Sacha Baron Cohen won the award for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical for Borat. Here is his hilarious speech:

“I want to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press. And I just want to say that this movie was a life-changing experience. I saw some amazing, beautiful, invigorating parts of America. But I saw some dark parts of America, an ugly side of America. A side of America that rarely sees the light of day.

I refer, of course, to the anus and testicles of my co-star, Ken Davitian.

Ken, when I was in that scene and I stared down and saw your two wrinkled golden globes on my chin, I thought to myself, ‘I better win a bloody award for this.’

And then when my 300-pound co-star decided to sit on my face and squeeze the oxygen from my lungs, I was faced with a choice: Death or to breathe in the air that had been trapped in a small pocket between his buttocks for 30 years.

Kenneth, if it was not for that rancid bubble, I would not be here today.

Thank you to Larry Charles, thank you to Jay Roach, thank you to Isla Fisher, my fiancee. Thank you to Peter Baynham, Anthony Hines and Dan Mazer; thank you to Ari Emanuel; Matt Labov; Erran Baron Cohen, my brother who did the music; and to Jason Alper. And thank you to every American who has not sued me so far. Thank you.”

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 04:57:00 +0000

I was at Totos last night and I was asked to stay back to escort a lady home. She stays close to where I live.
She says,"Are we ready to leave?"
I respond in the affirmative and flag down an auto. I tell her that we will take the auto to Kurla station and then catch a train.
She looks at me in a benign way with a sad smile and says," Why dont we take a taxi all the way home?"

Oooops!

I guess I would have been mightily embarassed, if only I wasn't that drunk!

You know what this is about...

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 04:44:00 +0000

January – Manfest finally got over. Though I didn’t do much, it was nice being a part of that team. Had a one week marathon binge session after Manfest. Vowed never to touch booze again. Found a great friend for life.

February – Total fun time. Attended my last class. Wrote my last exam. Pained my juniors and gave a lot of gyaan to them during dry runs! The bad person in me has finally broken free.

March – Went to Hrishikesh and had one of my most memorable and definitely unforgettable holidays ever. Got a job and am finally out of the system. Cheers. Bid adieu to Lucknow. Didn’t cry at all :)

April – Went to Lakshadweep and Munnar. Time well spent. Went to Bangalore. Came back heartbroken :)

May – Back to Bombay again. Started my new job. Made some new friends. Shook hands with Mukesh! Attended the faccha party and had a total blast. Best Party Ever! Manan puked…Yewww.

June – Moved into our new home. We have our own bar! Started to hate the local train.

July – Getting bored with the job. Life has come to a stop. No action. Resumed blogging.

August – It was still pouring in Bombay. Life has just got suckier! Decided to stay off booze for a month.

September – Hunt for a new job has begun. Bunking office to attend interviews and telling boss that I wasn’t feeling well and feeling real bad about lying to him :(

October – New job. Loved it in the beginning. Loved the money I was making. Went home and had a great Diwali.

November – Bought a new suit! Life has again settled in to its own rhythm. Desperately trying to lose weight. Staying away from booze sounded like a good first step.

December – New realizations about work life emerging. Getting ready to take some risks again. Planned to stay off booze for a month but no such luck :( and the beer belly bulges on!

I tag Deepak, Manan, Gaddam and Ayan...bet these guys have better stories to tell!

Happy New year folks..I hope the new year brings real good stuff into your life. You deserve it machan...Rock On.

You.

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Tue, 19 Dec 2006 11:57:00 +0000

Read the story here.

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 07:44:00 +0000

In Bombay, whenever money has to be exchanged between a shopkeeper and me, the vendor never returns the money into my hand. He either leaves it on the table or atop a jar. I make it a point to leave the money in that guy's hand. He makes it a point to leave it on the table. He sees my palm but still insists on leaving the money on the table. Any idea why? This bugs me big time.

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Is Atheism the new religion?

Where's the party yaarrrr!

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Mon, 04 Dec 2006 04:09:00 +0000

So you get a new job and you call up your friend. “Hey, I got a job.” He is thinking: Awesome. For me! Now I can go to that restaurant I always fancied and drink the fancy booze on which I couldn’t afford to waste my hard earned money. But what he finally says is,” Congrats dude! That’s great news. So where’s the treat?”

You call up a couple of your close friends and decide to meet over the weekend for a drink to celebrate your success. You are happily settled at the place. But the word slowly spreads that you are throwing a party. All the losers who had no plans of their own for the weekend end up at your table. Now there are fifteen guys at your table and some of them you haven’t even seen for the last few months. They are like, “Congrats dude. Awesome news on the new job. Good Show. Can you pass on the drinks menu please?”

You are happy about your new job and want to have a drink to that. Now this is the funny thing about drinks. You are happy and want to have one. But after you had one, you are happier and want to have some more. And thus goes the downward spiral. Once you had a few drinks, you are the most generous person on the earth. You would put Karna to shame. Some chicken wrapped in the bacon for your dear non-veg friends and some more French fries for your poor veggie friends. Every one is having a ball. No one bothers about you as long as you are sober enough to sign the cheque.

And then comes the bummer. You see a number with lots of zeros in it and you are wondering, “Am I drunk or what? Did we drink that much?” I wasn’t this happy when I got my job. My happiness is not worth the poop bag used to collect a dog’s shit. Ok, maybe a little more than that. But not definitely this much! I bet my parents weren’t so happy when I was born.

You sign the bill just to get rid of it from your sight. But there’s hope. There is always hope. Any self respecting MBA from one of the esteemed institutions in western India and its distant cousin in the northern India and other assorted family members will change his job in the first year of his professional life. You take a look at the other fourteen guys on the table and give a wry and an all-understanding smile. Those poor bastards have no idea what’s coming their way. You just have to be a little patient. Those soon-to-be-poor bastards.

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Fri, 01 Dec 2006 04:57:00 +0000

Globu wrote this really nice piece comparing hostel life to a sitcom and city life to a soap opera.

Zarda makes stick men really come alive and funny too. Check it out.

Read it. Trust me.

Sunday Night Ramblings

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Tue, 28 Nov 2006 09:06:00 +0000

Caught in the wrong job?

Visit http://www.monsterindia.com

Saturday Night Ramblings

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Tue, 28 Nov 2006 09:04:00 +0000

It was a typical Saturday night with me and couple of my friends hanging out at one of the numerous watering holes that dot south Mumbai when one of them suggested that we play teen patti. Six of us assembled at Gary’s place. The minimum amount to start with is a princely sum of hundred and fifty rupees. We used matchsticks as counters. The wooden one costs ten rupees and the wax ones cost two. The game started off fine and I made some and lost some in the process. After a couple of beers, some slices of pizza, and a lot of bad luck, I was left with just one wax stick. It was quite a shock to see all your money gone and have no idea how that happened. I was seriously thinking of buying in again when it was decided to end the game soon. As tradition demands it, we always end our game with a variation called In-Out. A very simple variation with a high risk return framework. It works like this: All of us have to put in the minimum two rupees to be part of the game. Three cards will be dealt to each player. On the count of three, all of us declare, simultaneously, whether we want to be in the game or not. Say three guys are in. One would win and other two would lose. The losers have to put in an amount equal what’s already there on the board. That would be twelve rupees each and now there is twenty four rupees for the taking. The second round would continue with this money on board and the game goes on till there is only one guy who decides to be in the game.

In the first round two guys were in. I didn’t want take any risk so I sat out. Now there is twelve rupees on the board again, courtesy the loser of the first round. I got a decent hand in the second round and I decided to be in. I had competition from one guy. My hand was really good and I won that round. From zero to twelve. That’s infinite returns! Not that bad, eh? The third round started with twelve rupees on the board again. Junta weren’t taking any risks. I got another decent hand and was sure I would win this time. I was in for the third round. Luck was on my side. So thought four other guys. Damn! I lost the hand and I was back to zero again. A couple of rounds later, there was now 150/- on the board. The game was getting exciting now. If I went in and lost the hand, I will have to pay 150/- and I was bankrupt by then. The cards were dealt. It was a decent hand but not worth losing 150/-. I was out and so did the remaining five. I was cursing myself for not going in. I knew no one would go for such a high stake. It was such a golden opportunity that I let go. I was thinking if only I didn’t drink so much!

Next round. One hundred and fifty rupees on the board. In the previous round, no one made a go for it. You can imagine what each one of us was thinking. KC was counting. One. My hand was quivering. Will it be thumbs up or down? Two. There was a slight hesitation from the guy sitting on my right. Three! Thumbs down. Two other guys went in. It was a close call. I would have lost miserably had I been in. Next round: one hundred and fifty on the table again. I got a pair. Not great cards but this is my chance to recoup all that I lost. I decided to go in. This was my best chance. It was like double or nothing. One. I took a deep breath. Two. I took a quick look at the other five faces. Three. Thumbs up. One more guy was in. We decided to display one card each. I began.

Two of hearts.

Two of spades.

Five of clubs.

Three of diamonds.

My heart sank for a moment. What if the next card is an ace or a four? I am so screwed.

Five of hearts.

His final card comes off. Slowly. Too slow for my liking, I would say.

Two of clubs.

Ah! He was shooting with a two pair and I got a five pair. I am back baby. I got my one hundred and fifty rupees back. I chilled out after that. The game got over in another few rounds. I was even. No loss. No gain. Even Steven.

I know it’s no Casino Royale. But for something real, it was total paisa vasool! Literally ;)

The name’s God.

SaiptheGod

Friday Night Ramblings

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Tue, 28 Nov 2006 09:01:00 +0000

A new initiative for global peace. Global Orgasm.

It’s “Make War, Not Love”. Literally!

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Boss says,” I made some comments on the presentation. Why don’t you take a look and turn around quickly?”

Yeah, should I bend over too?

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When you empty your wallet and buy the last bottle of chilled beer from the retailer, you know that life’s good.

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When you empty the bottle and hit the bed knowing that you need not set the alarm for tomorrow, you know that life’s just got better.

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 08:53:00 +0000

Amazing Post by Greatbong.
On our very own Himesssssh :) Hilarious!

Jerry does it again

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 08:02:00 +0000

One of the best pieces by Jerry Seinfeld. Awesome-o !!

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, OK? I, I, I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little.. everything they do is subtle.. men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is: we want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far.. The car-horn-honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. This man is out of ideas. The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we. Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Where ever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, OK, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like: "Where to meet men?". We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Vivaah

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 04:31:00 +0000

Barjatya claims that the movie is about the journey from engagement to wedding.

In national interest, I hope it is an extremely short journey. Read, rather see, what Deepak thinks about this.

Oye Barjatya Buddy, perchance you read that the journey is more important than the destination. I am telling you, it's whole load of bull crap. Get these two married and pack them off to their honeymoon before one can say "I do". They will be happy, we will be happy and maybe, maybe this is the only way you can make some money.

There is enough pain in this world as such. Why dont you and KJo take a hike to Himalayas? One of you is definitely gonna enjoy it. Then you can make a movie on the lines of Brokeback Mountain. Now that's a journey which many would enjoy!

Swaaaha.

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Wed, 01 Nov 2006 09:54:00 +0000

Knock Knock.

Who is it?

Doc.. Doc.. [Background Music. Don Theme]

Popular Quotes:

Mujhko pehchaan lo..mein hu Doc.

Doc ko beer pilana mushkil hi nahi, namumkeen hai.

Doc ko give up maarne ke liye 13 log wait kar rahe hain. But Doc never gives up. Mind you, AB.

Mama, I am coming home!

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Fri, 20 Oct 2006 04:37:00 +0000

Taxi!

Sir

Take me home

Where?

To the place I belong

Where is that?

West Virginia, Mountain Momma.

Saari. This is India.

Take me home, country roads.

Get out you crack pot.

---

Taxi!

Sir

Take me down

Where to?

To the paradise city.

Where!!

Where the grass is green and the girls are pretty

What the??

Take me home. Oh, won't you please take me home.

---

Air Sahara. How my I help you?

I wish that I could fly
Into the sky
So very high
Just like a dragonfly

Where to, Sir?

I’d fly above the trees
Over the seas in all degrees
To anywhere I please

Would you like a return ticket too?

Oh I want to get away
I want to fly away
Yeah yeah yeah

I think you would need a "Jet" for that. No sahara from us.

Ok. You get the idea.
I am going home for Diwali. This is the first time I am going home after I came to Bombay to become a slave.

Happy Diwali everyone. Have a blast :)

Take care and so long.

See you on the other side of midnight!

No Wimmen Plz.

noreply@blogger.com (Saip) — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 09:03:00 +0000

I never thought that I would say something like this. I wouldn’t even have dreamt about it and my mind would resist the very thought of such a thought. There is a time and a place in my life when I don’t want any women near me, at least in a 6 feet radius around me. Yes, I don’t want women anywhere near me.

The time: Peak Hours. The place: Mumbai local.

Is duniya mein do tarah ke log hote hain: ek hai the newly-wed-horny-husbands who don’t want to let go of their wives even for an instant aur doosra hai the i-am-soooo-much-in-love boyfriends who wish to spend every second with his girl before bidding adieu for the day. These are the men/boys who get the women/girls into an overcrowded compartment full of men and cause misery and suffering to one and all. As if being single and get crushed by other single men at the end of a long day wasn’t good enough.

After the couple gets into the train, the guy surveys the scene around them. In each and every one of us he sees a Shakti Kapoor or Gulshan Grover, with open salivating mouths and lust in our eyes and bad thoughts in our head [thinking of Garnier Fructis :)]. He has this major feeling that he needs to protect his woman from the bad men who might attack her izzat. He comes up with a plan. He stations her next to the wall so that her rear is protected. He then puts his arms on her shoulders and uses his body as a shield, taking care of the front. The lady is asked to place her arms tightly next to her body. The protection sequence is complete.

This might have been romantic in any other setting. But in the local, it is frigging hilarious and downright ridiculous. Imagine an overcrowded train and this couple in a hugging stance and lady looking slightly embarrassed and the guy throwing menacing looks at whoever happens to look in their direction. Things get worse when it’s a boyfriend-girlfriend scenario. At least the married couple is silent for most of the journey. But not our i-got-a-girl-yippee! guy. This guy has to impress the girl and so he keeps on talking and narrates all the cool stuff that has happened in his amazing life. The lady keeps giggling at the correct moments, playing her role to perfection. All I wanted to do was sit in a corner and read my newspaper and fall asleep after some time. But life’s a bitch!

My major crib against these couples in the train is that they take up so much space. Four guys would comfortably stand in the place taken up by these two. Since there is a girl involved, all of us have to maintain our distance lest something unfortunate happens. Yours truly was subjected to this and it wasn’t a good experience. A kid, 16-17 years old max, gets into the train with her father. It must be her first day at a new school. As luck would have it, she was standing next to me. I had no intentions to get into any trouble and was maintaining a healthy distance. But the train shakes a lot and people keep pushing regularly. How I wish this was some fevicol ad. Everyone in their place! At some point in time, my elbow brushed against her back. She gives me one dirty look. I look away hoping that she wouldn’t yell and call for her dad. This happened a couple of times and she keeps giving that dirty look. I was completely pissed off. I put some fight and moved away from that place. Why couldn’t she travel in the ladies compartment, for heavens sake!! And the worst is yet to come. The lady wants to get down and the crowd splits up like the red sea. A safe passage and everyone ensures that no protruding part of their body touches the lady. You should travel in the local to realize how much painful it is to create so much space for one person.

The government reserved compartments for the ladies. Please use them. Don’t come and stand next to me and pain the shit out of me.

Perhaps they should add more compartments: Couples Only! One more place where I cannot enter added to the list.